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perfect-nick-unperfect
by Janie
Summary: Perfect or unperfect? That is the question.

“But you don’t understand....”

“What aren’t I understanding?”

I sighed. “Damn it, you don’t understand anything I’m saying.”

He looked at me. “Which is?”

“You’re not perfect.”

“I know.”

I gave him a look. “But you just said you are perfect.”

“I know,” he said again.

Talk about wanting to bang your head into a wall.

“So you’re perfect, but you’re not?”

He nodded, smiling. “Exactly!”

“I’m gonna kick your ass in about ten seconds.”

“You can’t kick my ass.”

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Yes, I can.”

He leans back, smiling. “Go ahead. Try.”

I look around for something to do. “I’ll, um, do it later.”

He laughs. “Uh-huh.”

“Would you stop patronizing me and just tell me who the hell you are already so that I can start writing you correctly?”

He looks around. “Nice room.”

“I’m gonna hurt you.”

“Sure you are. You can do it when you kick my ass later.”

“Ugh. Would you just answer my question already?”

He looks at me again. “You are writing me correctly.”

I raised my eyebrows. “So you really have a gold vibrator?”

“I thought AJ gave that to me as a joke.”

“So then you really do have a letter laying around for your meant to be?”

“Well.....no. But it’s a nice idea. Makes me more cute.”

I roll my eyes. “Oh, yeah, and that’s exactly what the world needs. Is you more cute.”

“I have had one night stands.”

“That was in a completely different story.”

“Does it matter? It’s me in all of the stories.”

I was getting confused, and I didn’t even really know why. “Look, I want to know if you’re as corny as I write you, not if you’re as horny as I write you. Everyone’s horny. What’s so damn new about that?”

“Eh, that’s true,” he nods. “Yes, I’m as corny as you write me.”

Now this conversation is getting interesting. “So you would really chase a girl around like a dumbass while she tried to date an NSYNC member?”

“I said corny, not intelligently challenged.”

I sulk. “It was a cute story.”

“Yes, it was cute. I’d love me, too, if I was like that.”

Finally. “So you’re not?”

“No, I am.”

“Agh!”

“What’s wrong?”

“You know, the next story I’m writing is going to have you tripping and breaking your nose.”

“That happened to me once.”

I look at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. But not in real life. In some other girl’s story.”

I want to let out another scream, but it’s getting rather repetitive by now.

“So who...the hell....are you?”

“I’m me.”

I’m already looking around my room for something sharp.

“Look,” he says, laughing. “There’s a little bit of me in what everyone writes. I like to pull practical jokes sometimes. I have a one night stand here and there. I’ve tried drugs. I cuss. Sometimes I don’t cuss. I’m silly. Sometimes I’m an asshole. I’ve lied, I’ve stolen, I’ve been corny with a girlfriend before, I’ve gotten into fist fights with the guys. I’ve done this, and I’ve done that. Sometimes you fan fiction writers nail small parts of me, sometimes you don’t, and if you did nail me every single time, you might not want to write about me anymore because then where’s the fun?” he shrugged. “So just stick to what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and we’ll all be happy.”

Lordy, he had finally surpassed one sentence at a time.

“What makes you think if I nailed you I wouldn’t want to write you anymore?”

“The Mona Lisa.”

“What?”

“The Mona Lisa,” he says, giving me a ‘duh’ look.

Oh, CRAP, here we go with the damn one-liners again.

“Come AGAIN?” I ask.

He’s still ‘duh-ing’ at me. “The Mona Lisa-”

“Yeah, I GOT that part.”

“Well, shit, let me finish.”

I smile.

He smiles. “When you see the Mona Lisa from far away, it’s this beautiful painting. You’re just in awe because of all of the hype that’s surrounded this painting during it’s entire existence, and finally there it is. Right in front of you.”

For some reason, I’m thinking of the first time I saw him perform.

“Then you get too close to it, and you realize it’s this huge mess. It’s cracked, it’s old, and it’s not as beautiful as it looked ten seconds ago when you were a safe distance away.”

“You’re Mona Lisa.”

He’s smiling again. “Yeah, I guess, but I’ve got way better hair than her.”

I laugh.

“Look, I’m human. I fuck up. Doesn’t mean I should get branded for it. Though I did once.”

I look at him, and he’s smiling that smile again. “Let me guess. In some girl’s story.”

“Actually it was in AJ’s story.”

I raise an eyebrow.

“What? He got bored.” He gets up. “It’s time for me to go and time for you to get back to writing, I guess. Write whatever you want, just remember to differentiate the variance between this and reality.”

Wow, he knows how to say differentiate and variance.

“I know.”

“I know you do. And another thing.”

I look up and he’s about ready to leave. “It doesn’t matter what I’m really doing because it’s not about that. As long as I learn from my mistakes, right?”

“Right.”

“Now go make me mushy or whatever,” he waves me off.

“No, I think I’m gonna go and make you fall in love with Howie. You annoyed me today.”

“It couldn’t at least be Kevin?”

“No, Kevin’s falling in love with me.”

He shakes his head. “Remind me to beat the crap out of whoever made up fan fiction.”

“Okay, but I’ll remind you later, when I get around to finally kicking your ass.”

I turn to my computer. I start to count off on my fingers the things that he could be today.

Cute.

Smug.

Asshole-y.

Mushy.

Stupid.

Introverted.

Confused.

Confident.

Intelligent.

I sigh, ‘cause I don’t really know where to start.

I turn around to bug for advice, but he's gone. I figure he’s got to be one of the busiest muses in the business.

Oh well.

Eeny, meeny, miney, mo....

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