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It Never Would Have Worked Out Anyway
by Janie
Summary: What Nick wants, Nick gets.

“NICK!”

I casually throw the magazine I’m reading aside and look up expectantly. She was gonna come tearing through the living room any second now.

“Dammit, Nick, where in the HELL are you?!”

I settle deeper into the couch so that I can get comfortable for this tirade. I needed to start popping popcorn for this.

“NICK!” she yells even louder.

I smile because even though she sounds madder than I’ve ever heard her, I still love the sound of her voice.

I smile wide at her as she clambers into the living room. She clumsily stops as her angry, brown eyes land on mine.

“I. cannot. believe. you,” she says, pointing at me, I guess in case I miss that she means me and not the invisible person behind me.

“What can’t you believe, hon?” I smile.

“Why you keep scaring these guys away!”

I try to look stupid, but can’t stop the grin from consuming my face. “It never would have worked out anyway.”

“Augh!” she yells, exasperated. “Nick, you can’t keep doing this! I need to date, punk!”

“I was only joking with him,” I shrug, smiling. I was actually quite proud of myself. “It’s not my fault he took me seriously.”

She inhales deeply and shakes her head. She runs her small, slim fingers through her dark hair and groans. “Nick, it was one thing when you told the guy from the doctor’s office that I hide my wedding band,” she says, raising a finger. “It was another thing when you told that lawyer that I spent a year in jail,” she says, raising another finger. “Another thing when you told the guy from the mall that I hang out in cheap motels,” she says louder, raising a third finger. “But it is a COMPLETE other thing when you go and tell Joseph that I used to be a man!”

“It never would have worked out anyway,” I repeat, shrugging nonchalantly, because I know that simple gesture alone will get her all crazy again.

She narrows her eyes even more at me, and I can’t keep the smile off my face because she’s really at her prettiest when she’s angry. She frowns and pouts and makes a bunch of faces she doesn’t even realize she’s making.

“I was just making interesting conversation with him cause he got boring. It’s not my fault he’s stupid enough not to know when I’m kidding.”

She shakes her head at me and strides right up to my amused smile. “You do this on purpose, Carter. On purpose!”

“I just care about ya,” I smile. “Settle down, girlie, and take a deep breath. I mean, I did you a favor.”

“A favor?!” she yells. “How are you doing me a favor?!”

“Because it never would have worked out anyway,” I repeat again. I start to mess with her ears. “Are ya deaf or what?” She impatiently swats my hand away. “Trust me, I know these things. What was the name of that last guy you went out with?” I ask, knowing it was Dave.

“Dave,” she grunts, falling down into my couch next to me.

I lean into her and settle my head on her shoulder. She looks down at me unamused.

“Dave, that’s right. I did you a favor because if Dave really loved you, he would have stayed with you despite the fact that you had seven, little kids who you made sew clothes so that you could keep a steady income coming in.”

She smacks me on my arm, but I catch the glint of amusement in her pretty, brown eyes. “Nick, I went out on one date with him. How could he love me already?”

“See, what kind of man was he to abandon a single mother with seven children?!”

She turns at me and narrows her eyes at me. “Nick, you told him I doubled as a stripper.”

“Hey, that woulda turned me on.”

She groans again and I can’t keep the huge grin off my face. I swear I try, but it’s damn near impossible. I love seeing her this riled up.

“You shoulda just told him I was lying.”

She laughs sarcastically. “Nick, you had seven, small children approach us in the park and tug on my arms and legs while they screamed at the top of their lungs, ‘Mama, I’m hungry! Is this our new daddy?!”

“You should thank me.”

She glares at me. “Why should I freaking thank you?”

I shrug. “It never would have worked out anyway.”

“If you say that one more time....” She shakes her head. “I’m almost afraid to see what the heck it is you’re gonna come up with next to tell these guys,” she groans. “The only way I’m ever going to get to a second date is if I find a ‘stripper loving-into transvestites-adores criminals-motel owning-can stand my psycho friend’ guy.” She rolled her head off the back of the couch and pouted at me. “Where am I gonna find him?”

I lean in and decide it’s time to just follow AJ’s advice and be honest. I lean my forehead against hers. “I think you just did.”

She leans back, confusion and surprise drawn perfectly across her face.

“It’s all because I love you,” I smile. I shrug. “I kinda don’t like the idea of you with anyone else.”

The initial shock and surprise are gone and she’s watching me with something I can’t quite place. I can’t decide if that’s good or not.

She leans into me and gently kisses me, but not before biting down on my lip.

“Ow!” I whine, trying to pull away from her, but she has a pretty good grip on the back of my head. I stare back into her eyes and see she’s watching me with nothing but amusement painted across her face.

“You are a pain in the ass,” she says against my lips, her eyes still full of the same something I still can’t quite place. I still can’t decide if that’s good or not.

I feel her lips form a smile against my own as she closes her eyes to kiss me again.

I’ve decided.

It’s good. Very good.

Based on Brad Paisley’s “It Never Would Have Worked Out Anyway”

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© 2005. Not associated with any celebrities mentioned. All stories are fiction. Any significance to real life situations, attitudes, or actions are purely coincidental. Some stories archived without permission due to unreachable authors with fan requests. No ownership of archived stories claimed and remain property of the original author. For more information, see here. Latest browsers and javascript compatibilty recommended for optimum viewing.